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Friday, 7 October 2011

The Stick Farm

I am writing this entire thing on my iPhone so it will probably be a lot shorter than normal. I am actually going insane without a laptop.

Ok, so this blog is dedicated to a friend of mine. Let's call her Wendy. So, Wendy is a friend of ours in the year below us. We playfully joke about how she is stupid, when in fact she is not. She is just utterly and unbelievably gullible. Almost to the point where she borders stupidity. It is a fine and faded line, if you ask me.

I met Wandy whilst touring Tasmania with the rest of the upper school music students. That was how the whole story begins!
Before I begin, just know that Wendy is great, really nice and all of our actions were not out of cruelty, but playful jesting. Promise.

So, the first humerous event was in the early days of the Taswegian tour. My friends made tacos for dinner, but it soon turned into a taco fight. Wendy arrived later on, just in time for the last taco. Which happened to be made of meat mixed with orange juice and taco ingredients that had previously been tossed around the small apartment thing we were staying in. The ingredients were piled together and drowned in a glass of orange juice. This was then poured into a taco shell, et voilĂ ! A perfectly safe taco!
After Laura arrived, she happily ate the entire thing, despite everyone laughing for "no apparent reason". She then continued to compliment them on their hard labour in the kitchen and claimed it to be the best taco she'd ever eaten. My guess is that she's never had tacos before.

There were many other tricks that we played on dear old Wendy, including making her believe I am good friends with Michael Jackson's nephew, but one particular lie we told her sticks out above the rest.

This is the story of my uncle's stick farm.
To this day, Wendy still believes this story is true. Bless her.

We led sweet little Wendy to believe that my uncle owns a stick farm, which is a farm that grows a variety of trees to harvest the sticks. My uncle employed me at his stick farm, and pays me $20 an hour to walk around, picking up sticks. We then go through all the sticks and find some sticks worth selling at the market.
What sticks are worth selling, you might ask?
Sticks that resemble celebrities, of course!
We had them all! Beyoncé sticks, Chris Brown sticks, Justin Bieber sticks, you name it! Not just pop stars, either. We had many categories, including actors, politicians and even hostorical sticks, such as sticks that looked like the Statue of Liberty.

My uncle's stick farm is actually a very large business. It takes a lot of work and experienced staff to manage such a complicated industry. We need highly trained stick collectors, such as myself, stick managers, people to plant and maintain the trees, tour guides, people to advertise and sell the sticks, gift shop runners, Thai children to make stick farm t-shirts, and all sorts. It's been a family business for generations, but we're starting to expand our trade overseas to buyers such as Iceland, Spain, China and Indonesia. Celebrity sticks are of very high demand at the moment. Not just in Australia. But it's not just celebrity sticks. We have a wide range of sticky goodness! Not many people know this, but my uncle's company actually supplied the stick that was used for Dumbledore's wand in the Harry Potter novies. Warner Bros paid us a really big sum for the stick. It was our lucky break.
Since it's such a booming business and my uncle has no children, the company will one day be left in my name. I will inherit millions.

Wendy believed every word of it.


  1. Funny Story but poor Wendy :P

  2. Wow, that is an interesting story. The one about Danny, I mean! No offence, Jon, but I wouldn't have gone into any more detail than I did even if you were still dating and trying to sort out any problems. Totally not my place and that would've been a real invasion of both mine and Danny's privacy.

    But how did you know who I was / where to find my blog anyway?

    Oooh, and I'm beating you now then because you're number 5! Whoo hoo :) poor Wendy! Will you be writing a bit more frequently now?

  3. Well thank you for the compliment! Look forward to reading more from you :) take care!